Forget Me Not...

Photo Credit: zombi02.tumblr.com

Sometimes I fear I am losing my mind.  Ya, I know... I'm not even 40 yet.  I am far from the age where details and memories should be slipping my mind, but here I am ... frustrated that I can't remember simple things like where I left my keys, or what I had for breakfast, or ... what was I saying?

That is one reason I keep journals and blogs - so I don't forget.  A friend of mine has an amazing memory - she remembers conversations we had when we were 9 years old.  I sometimes remember games we played, things we did, and sometimes, if it was significant enough, words that were spoken... but it amazes me the detail in which she remembers things. 

Some things I would like to forget... and I do my best not to dwell on them... but there are some treasures I never want to lose - so I keep my journals, my blogs and most treasured - my photographs.  It is how I hold on to the people, animals, and memories I love so much.

I used to get frustrated with people who couldn't remember me.  It's one thing to forget someones name, (which I OFTEN DO) but I never forget a face.  I guess in my own little twisted world, everyone should live up to the same standards as me... <<eye roll>>

I attend alot of networking events, and one in particular, I used to attend each month.  We all wear name tags, and after attending a few times, you see many familiar faces amongst the crowd.  One person in particular (we will call him Jack) would come up with me, and without fail extend his hand and say "HI! I'm Jack, and you are?".... the first three times I would politely re-introduce myself.  On the fourth encounter I gently said "Yes, we've met" ...  on the fifth, I hate to admit, I was not as cordial - and when he bounded up to me and said "HI, I'm Jack ... have we met?" I responded "Hi Jack (ha ha .. hi-jack)... YES we've met before ...several times!" and I listed off every time and place that we had encountered each other before.  I think I not only embarrassed him, but alienated him because after that, he would see me, but then pretend he didn't know me at all. 

I even told other people (my inner circle) that I thought Jack was an ass.. (ha ha... Jack-ass) because he couldn't remember who I was, despite the numerous times we had met.  I ranted that he must do way too much networking, and how connected can he really be if he can't remember people he has met - 5 times??  Yes... I bad mouthed this individual... and now I am hanging my head and asking the Universe to forgive me.

Why the change of heart?  Forget me nots....

At one point, the monthly networking event rolled around, and I really didn't have the heart to go... I was feeling a little drained, a little stressed, and a little tired.  Not great circumstances to go meet with people and try to make business connections.  But I talked myself into going... and when I got there, instead of writing my usual "Priscilla Hansen, Key Potential Coaching" on my name tag... I simply wrote "Awesome"

As I milled around the room, I greeted people and shook their hands enthusiastically.  They would take one look at my name tag and say "Hey, I know you! You're Awesome!" and I said "Yes, and I believe we've met before - You're Fabulous!!!"... and so the evening went. 

 It dawned on me that it was never Jack's fault he couldn't remember who I was.... it was mine... I didn't leave him a lasting impression.  Forget - He - Did.



At the next networking event, I wore my regular nametag announcing my given name  "Priscilla Hansen"... but people remembered me- they remembered me as AWESOME.




Paradise is here, Paradise is now.... Paradise is leaving a lasting impression..  Forget Me Not.

Teeter Totter

This morning I had a little flashback to when I was younger, when my friend would invite me to her grandparents summer camp.  At the camp was a playground, and she and I would sit on the teeter totter for hours... up and down... up and down... chatting away about the camp activities, friends and of course... boys. 

Because we varied in weight (I was always heavier than most my friends) we figured out the exact places to sit .She sat further back on the board, while I sat so close to the handle if jounced I would come crashing down on it.  But with practice, we were able to teeter and totter despite our differences in size.  We also liked to see how long we could both be suspended in air... perfectly balanced.  We discovered the only way to balance perfectly was to sit completely still.  Even one movement as slight as brushing our hair out of our eyes or giggling would send one of us up, and one of us down.  But, so long as we sat perfectly still, we would remain suspended... both evenly lifted off the ground... and we would grin at each other until one of us would undoubtedly start laughing, and we would have to start all over again.

I thought of this as I was writing copy for my personal coaching brochure on "work/life balance".... I think what is common is we fall into a trap of feeling we have to "DO" something to achieve balance... when often times - to achieve balance... we just have to sit still.  Be still. Breathe. Sit quietly.  Focus on what being balanced IS.  BE balanced.... and if you get off balance - try again.  Be still. Breathe. Sit quietly. Focus.

And, well, if you get off balance because you break out into a barrage of giggles... go with that ...


Paradise is Here, Paradise is Now... Paradise is up and down...

Dog and Butterfly....

There are some things I want so badly, just the desire alone weighs me down like sandbags on a hot air balloon.  There are books I want to write, groups I want to lead, millions I want to make, interviews I want to have, speeches I want to give, people I want to meet, inspire, and have inspire me.  There are countries I want to visit, places I want to travel, foods I want to taste...   And then there are the creature comforts like a home I want to buy, the life I want to live, and the home I want to create.

I have looming deadlines, I have copy to create and get to my graphic designer, outlines to prepare, drafts to write.  Each task to get to the end result felt daunting and painful.  But the end result will be so amazing!  I am creating amazing Mastermind groups that I will facilitate, and I am writing my book.  Those two things thrill me!  When I think of myself holding a book, bound and printed smelling of fresh ink, with "written by Priscilla Hansen"  embossed on the front cover...(and of course a gold sticker on the front announcing it on the New York's Best Sellers List) I get so excited I could leap out of my skin.  When I think about the Mastermind classes, and the throngs of people I plan to have sign up and share in this amazing experience - my heart skips a beat. I want to achieve these goals so much, I dream about them... I think about them while brushing my teeth, while taking a shower, while driving to work... So why does each step I need to take to get there feel like my feet are encased in cement?  I even took four days off to dedicate to my efforts... and at the end of day three, I didn't have much more to show for it, besides a cleaner apartment, a neatly arranged junk drawer, and read two books that other people had written.

Frustrated at my writers block, I decided to "procrastinate" a little more and take Lexi for a walk.  I pulled on my Merrill hiking boots, and Lexi immediately recognized this as a sign that we were about to have an adventure.  Spinning in circles, she whirled like a top until I was finally on my feet and walking behind her.  She bounded ahead, then glanced back quickly to make sure I was still following, and hadn't played a terrible trick on her by changing my mind.  

The first part of our hike is through a path that cuts down the back side of our neighborhood.  This part of the woods is dark and shady, and chipmunks dart back and forth in a game of keep away from Lexi.  She has been down this path a hundred times, but the game remains the same - trot along as quietly and light footed as possible, and as soon as a little bugger squeals and chatters - the chase is on.  The chipmunks (who have also played this game a hundred times before) take off in a scurry, and leap through the air, catch the closest tree branch and swirl up the tree like a cork screw leaving Lexi at the bottom on her hind legs wishing that she too could scurry up and continue the chase.  They then sit on a branch just above her reach and taunt her in a version of "nanner-nanner-boo-boo" and send her in a tizzy.  After a few seconds, she realizes she is still earth bound, drops down to all fours and trit-trots down the path again... until the next chippy makes his move.  Completely forgetting about past failures, her second attempt is just as, if not more optimistic than the first, and she leaps through the thickets in hot pursuit.  Her efforts once again thwarted, she leaps back on to the path, and gives me a confident smile "Next time Momma.. you wait and see... I'll get 'em."

No matter how many times we walk the path, no matter how many chipmunks she chases, and no matter how many times she comes up empty... she never, ever gives up the chase.  She never says "Why bother."  In fact... the thrill is in the chase.

The thrill is in the chase.

See the dog and butterfly; up in the air he like to fly.
Dog and butterfly; below she had to try.
She roll back down to the warm soft ground, laughing
She don't know why, she don't know why
Dog and butterfly

So I stopped in my tracks and I asked myself, "Lexi wants to catch a chipmunk... What do you want?"
I want to be a writer ... echoed the answer.
"So you want to write a book?"

Well.. ya...but more importantly -  I want to write.  I want to live the life of a writer.  I want to create, I want words to flow, I want to have that feeling of satisfaction when people are touched by what I write.

"Just like Lexi doesn't want just catch a chipmunk... she wants to chase chipmunks"...That's right.  Dog and butterfly.  Laughing to the sky. Up to the sky. She has to try.

Maybe it's livin' making us give in.

We finally rounded the corner of the path, and entered the pole line where the terrain opens up to thick blueberry shrubs, blackberry thickets and long grasses.  The chipmunks became a distant memory to Lexi, and grasshoppers, birds, and yes, even butterflies became the objects of Lexi's desires... and she skittered around the corner kicking up sand and pebbles in hot pursuit.  Laughing to the sky, up to the sky ... 

Paradise is Here, Paradise is Now.... Paradise is in the chase....

Motherhood

A repost of one of my favorite poems:

Motherhood

All my friends have children now. Their biological clocks ticked them into a foreign world filled with bassinets and learning toys.

A few feel sorry for me, the last remaining nullipara. But those who know me best, and know my girl, know we share similar motherhood joys. Regardless of our breed of babe, we're both obsessed with the quality and quantity of our tyke's bodily wastes. And we delight in little miracles, innocent presents retrieved from beach and woods, random kisses, implicit trust, unquestioning adoration.

We teach, we spoil, we chide, we coax, we praise, we love our babies.

How can you feel sorry for a mom whose child will never fall in with the wrong crowd, do drugs, or drop out of school? Dog moms are doubly blessed. Our boys and girls grow old, but never grow up.

Taken from "Cooking with Dogs" by Karen Dowell

Paradise is here, Paradise is now... Paradise is Motherhood